how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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