The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
