Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
