i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
