Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
