I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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