can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm at about main and main street
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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