you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
