I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize