why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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