You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
