Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
