My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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