i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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