We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
