Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
