i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
