This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
