I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
