My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize