I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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