True but thats because hes a fetus.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
