A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
