someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
