im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
