I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
