For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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