If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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