There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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