I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
