Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So drunk its hurt
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
