nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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