no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
