kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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