so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Blood and glitter go together right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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