I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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