you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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