dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
