True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
