tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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