theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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