im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
