Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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