I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
