My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
