She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
