Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
