Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
