Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
