I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As shirtless as possible
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
