My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
