Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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