somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
