ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
