No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
