rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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