marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
