Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize