Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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