Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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