i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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