I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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