my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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