The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
