Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
