too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
