you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
