all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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