I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
