Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
