I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A+ Viking dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
