Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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