At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
